Fire Hydrant's Guide to Atlanta

Hey, don't laugh we are people too you know, well not really, but we have great stories to tell about our neighborhood, the city of Atlanta.  Whether it is a fire, a juicy piece of gossip or simply tourist tidbits, we are there, nothing gets by us.  Sure we are often ignored as we silently stand and watch and wait. But next time, have a closer look at us, we have front row seats to everything that happens in Atlanta. Gosh, the stories we could tell, some you simply would never believe, like my grandfather, who lived on the corner of 13th and Peachtree when the famous author Margaret Mitchell stepped off the curb and was hit by a car. Man, he saw the whole thing, he had to break the news to his brother who lived up the street right outside her house, he never got over it.

Hey that's me on your right I belong to the yellow hat hydrants, a breakaway group who have been involved in an on going feud with the blue hats (little squirts), for years. I think it all has something to do with location, location, but no one is talking.

As fire hydrants we aren't really required to do much, unless there is a fire. We spent most of our days people watching. And let me tell you not a day goes by when something crazy doesn't happen down here. You would simply die if you knew what people get up to in front of me. Whew. Oh no, honestly, I can't be shocked any more, I've heard and seen it all.

The days I hate the most is when my personal space is abused. DO I look like a seat or an ashtray! And to all you canines, NO I am not a tree! I suppose I should be grateful, check out what happened to poor old Pete the Parking Meter, when someone ran out of quarters. I told him to keep his mouth shut. But did he listen, oh no. Now he is somewhere on eBay. Oh and lets not forget the poor fate of Marty the Mail Box. He made one stupid comment about being off color and boom, he is a friggin piece of art. This is why us hydrants keep our mouths closed. It's stressful enough just fitting in as yellow hat!

But the worst days are those fire days. Oh, when they twist that hose into my chest, let me tell you it hurts, no one should have to put up with that. Then, you wait and you wait till from out of nowhere a gush of water rips through your insides and roars out through your chest like a freight train. It's enough to pop my hat! Then, when the flames have been extinguished you feel the pressure suddenly subside till all you feel is a little tickle in your chest. Lord have mercy. But, it's those fire days when I feel the most important, when my life has meaning, when people actual notice me. I haven't seen as much action as some hydrants down on Peachtree, they have their photo in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution more times than I care to remember. Me? I am still hoping.

So anyway, I guess you are all wondering how we hydrants came to have a website ? Well one day I was chatting to Marty the Mail Box who was having issues at work. Poor old Marty was concerned about his job, you know with email and all, he was fearing he may soon be on the unemployment line. I figured he would be okay because worse case scenario he could get a job as a hubcap or at the least an ashtray, but then I thought "what about me?". What the hell was Harry Hydrant going to do if push came to shove and I was unemployed. No one recycles hydrants, especially yellow caps. I knew I had to think fast. I called a emergency meeting of hydrants, to discuss what alternate skills base we had in case of unemployment? After much discussion we concluded, none, zip, nada. Then "Gilbert the Geek" from outside Georgia Uni suggested we go on the internet, find ourselves a niche and dominate it. After a hearty laugh we proceeded to "surf the net". You know between all us hydrants we couldn't find anything that hadn't been done. Then some drip, I think it was a green hat, suggested we google ourselves for a laugh. Well wouldn't you know it, they had us all figured wrong, hey we aint just "fire plugs" or "johnny pumps". They made us out to be nothing more than cold, stuck up, metal objects. We were mortified and saddened. That was until Suzy Hydrant suggested we set the record straight and do a web site on the real us and tell the real stories of Atlanta, fire hydrant style. 

So, to cut a long story short a friend of mine got talking to a black hat who knew someone in IT and before I knew it we were cyber hydrants. Who knew! Boy, the manholes of New York are really peeved, their deal fell through, something to do with traffic.

This is our story, as told by us. I hope you enjoy our travel guide to Atlanta.

Harry Hydrant

Yellow Hat

PS : Click here to Meet The Hydrants....